Dear Andy Gray,
Well, well, well, well, well....now isn't this a fine mess you've got yourself into? What a big, brave, hilarious fellow you are with your witty, insightful - nay, hilarious - banter with your best buddy Richard.
How shocking it must have been for you to learn that a woman, an actual FEMALE would dare to wear some shorts and an 'officials' jersey and presume to know the off-side rule!! The mind boggles. No wonder you felt the need to undermine her professional ability and assess her looks.
But you obviously misunderstood the while thing, because quite clearly, she wasn't an actual match official at all, but just an innocent, local radio competition winner having a nice day out. She must have been because, as we all know, football isn't a game for women to be involved in, let alone officiate over. And as for the off-side rule - wow, this is just way too complex for women to even begin to fathom. I mean, how on earth could we be expected to understand something as tricky as that? Blimey, we only just figured out how to parallel park and change a lightbulb - give us a break.
As for the woman at the centre of all this, clearly, Ms Massey - the assistant referee - should have been at home painting her toenails or ironing some shirts or baking a cake or having a baby because, as we all know, that's all women are good for. Right?
I hope you are ashamed of your infantile comments - although I very much doubt it. You are probably sitting in a pub with your P45 and several of your mates having a good guffaw about the whole, silly incident while deciding whether the woman pouring your pint is decent looking or not.
Yours in absolute disbelief.
p.s. were you aware that it is actually the year 2011? No. Thought not.
image from http://annetaintor.com