After last week's insights into nudity and the appliance of shoes, this week I tackle some very tricky issues, the first of which may cause offence to some of my more sensitive readers. Please look away now if you are in any way uncomfortable with the word ‘poo’.
This is a question that I know may be a bit of a problem for everyone. Please can you let me know how I can poo in peace? Using a toilet in our house leads to a party in it when all I can do is wish for peace and dignity to continue my ablutions in.
Yours, Desperately Needing A Moments Peace
Hold it in my dear is my advice. Good luck. Do let me know how you get on.
I have a child who pees in the cat's litter tray. Is it acceptable to rub his nose in it?
Mortified in Co Monaghan
If your child is displaying such feral tendencies you can really only blame yourself for leaving temptation in his path. I do not, therefore, consider it acceptable to rub his nose in it; the cat’s yes.
How do you dissuade a 5 year old from trying to coax the next door neighbour’s smelly cat into our washing machine? I keep finding glasses of milk and tins of tuna in there. Or alternately, what would be the best bait for said cat as it really is quite smelly?
Resigned of East London.
Not being a cat lover myself (see above), I would like to suggest that fresh sardines and a saucer of Devonshire Clotted Cream would make excellent bait, but that would be highly irresponsible of me. So instead, might I suggest that you invest in a set of boules or garden-sized Jenga; both wonderful ways to keep the little ones entertained during the summer months and distracted from sadistic tendencies to wash other people’s pets. Might I also recommend squirting the offending feline with Chanel No. 5 – there truly is no greater smell on earth – and much kinder than washing the wretched thing.
Next week, I'll be addressing problems of sleep (yes, that old chestnut) and public displays of naughtiness. Please leave me your own problems below which I will endeavour to answer in due course and in the meantime remember, a problem shared is still a problem.