Rediscovering the 'Me' in 'Mumeeeeeee'

'I have always thought that there is no more fruitful source of family discontent than a housewife’s badly-cooked dinners and untidy ways'. (Mrs Beeton's Book of Household Management, 1861)

September 9, 2009

Top Of The Tots: Top 10 Ways to Embarrass Your Mum in Public

Hello top tot pickers - here we go with this week's countdown (da na na naa na, na na na na, da na na naa na, na na, na na - you know the tune)!

New at 10. Insist that she continues her role-play as Robbie Rotten, even though you’re in the library. Refuse to respond to her unless she puts on his voice and refers to you as Stephanie (even though you’re a boy), and your little brother as Stingy.

Climbing to 9. When the dentist asks you what you like to drink, say “Ribena” at exactly the same time as she says “water”. For the same question about snacks, you say "Fig Rolls" when she says "apples" and so on....

Dropping to 8. At toddler group music time, wander off when she’s in the middle of singing ‘The Wheels On The Bus’ with you, using your hands for the actions. She will have no choice but to carry on enthusiastically - alone!

New entry at 7. After going to the toilet with your Daddy in a restaurant, announce very loudly as you go back to the table “I did a really big poo mummy and it was a bit sore”.

No move at 6. When sitting in a quiet train carriage, ask her why she put her pink pants on today.

This week's highest climber at 5. Interrupt her ‘mummy-chat’ at toddler group by giving her the tampons you have just removed from her handbag.

Climbing to 4. Ask her loudly why the man sitting opposite you on the bus looks like a cat.

No move at 3. Refuse to participate in any of the group activities at Gymboree – or other such organised play places. Find the corner which is the absolute furthest away from the rest of the children and stand with your back to them, arms folded and scowling.

Down one place to 2. Wander off when she’s dancing with you – and only you – at a wedding, or other such event.

Still at number 1. Have the worst meltdown imaginable about leaving the soft play centre on a quiet Saturday morning when everyone else is behaving very nicely and all the mums and dads are having a civilised cup of coffee and reading a glossy magazine.

Top of The Tots will now be taking a break for a few weeks as we start the countdown to the 'Hot Cross Mum Hallowe'en British Mummy Bloggers 'Spook-Fest' carnival', featuring 'The Seven Deadling Sins of Parenting'. Woooooooooo (ghostly noise).



  1. These two (true stories) must make it somewhere into the top 100.
    A just about 2 yr old in the swimming changing rooms with his Dad and other changing males pointing and saying 'Look at that clock' but mispronoucing and leaving out the l in the second word.
    A preschooler telling the doctor in the A&E department that yesterday her auntie was wearing black knickers.

  2. Very funny. Yes, number 1 happens on numerous occasions unfortunately. And 5 and 7 have both happened too. Bloomin' children. If only I'd known...

  3. Oh goodness, the soft play centre meltdown...shudder.

    Looking forward to the carnival.


  4. Brilliant. Not sure i should really tell this story out loud, but last year Daisy became very intrigued by her nether regions and one day during a regular inspection she asked me if she had a nice nooney (I know, it's a terrible name for it, but I'm flumaxed about what to call it!) and i replied "Yes, it's absolutely lovely." and quickly put her trousers on. Later that day, we were standing in the queue at M&S (of course) and she looks up to the lady behind me and smiled sweetly "Mummy thinks I have a lovely nooney. Do you want to see it?" Mortification doesn't quite cover it. Luckily she was a mum and thought it was hilarious..

  5. '...mummy, why don't your knickers cover up your bottom?' was something Sally NEVER said when Sarah wore a thong, and not in public, and not loudly either.

  6. If we knew things like this before we had children, do you think it would of put us off?

  7. Ha! Made me laugh.

    Award for you at mine.


  8. Me again. An awardtastic weeks for you! There's another one for you at mine too!


  9. Brilliant. One of the main joys of living abroad is that people don't understand what my 2 are saying about them (or me!) Phew!

    Congrats on Brit Mummy Blogger of the week award too! x

  10. Love it. Congrats on being BMB Blogger of the Week.

  11. Thanks all for letting me know that I am not alone in my daily shame! Oh, and thank you for adding all your own cringe-worthy moments - there are some corkers in here!!

    Also to Rebel Mother, Insomniac Mummy and Brit in Bosnia, many thanks again for your extremely generous awards.

    Iota - thank you. I wear my badge with pride.


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