Rediscovering the 'Me' in 'Mumeeeeeee'

'I have always thought that there is no more fruitful source of family discontent than a housewife’s badly-cooked dinners and untidy ways'. (Mrs Beeton's Book of Household Management, 1861)

September 3, 2009

Top Of The Tots: How to distract your mum when she's on the phone

Here goes with this week’s countdown

Climbing to 10: Ask for a biscuit – she’ll definitely give you one just to keep you quiet.

Non mover at 9: Take all the cushions off the sofa and chairs and then jump on the sofas and chairs (even though you're not really allowed).

Dropping to 8: Find the most precarious place imaginable to stand – this will give her a real fright when she finds you.

New entry at 7: Ask for another biscuit. This is a good time to push your luck and ask for a chocolate one.

Climbing to 6: Take all the pillows and covers off the beds and then jump on the beds (again, not really allowed, but nobody looking).

Straight in at 5: Take your trousers, socks and pants off. Hey, why not?

No change at 4: Put on your muddy wellies.

This week’s highest entry at 3: Take all the jigsaws out of the toy cupboard and, with the help of your brother, scatter all the pieces all over the kitchen floor.

Non mover at 2: Go for a wee, but miss the toilet. Then pull all the loo paper off the roll, or just tear it into lots and lots of tiny pieces.

Still at the top spot for the third week: Shout “Muummmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” repeatedly in your loudest and whiniest voice for the entire duration of the phone call.

Parents beware: Using the phone can seriously damage your house.



  1. Love it! Could also add will escape out of your apartment and be lingering butt naked save for a too small t-shirt around the apartment block landing.

  2. So funny because they are all so true. My boys can act like angels for HOURS until the second that I get on the phone and then typically all hell breaks loose. The funniest thing is when you try to continue the pretense that you are having a perfectly normal adult conversation - whilst there is clearly pandimonium in the background. I can say quite sweetly to who ever is on the phone, 'oh excuse me a moment, I just need a second to talk to my children' and then I cover the mouthpiece (like that helps) and hiss vehemently to try to get them to behave. Never works.

  3. Both my daughters have perfected the art of No. 1.

    In fact i'm sure they co-ordinate (usually nO. 1 and No. 8 combined) to provide maximum impact!

  4. Brilliant! Kai's trick is insisting on being given his toy phone everytime I'm on the phone, then sitting on my lap and TALKING VERY LOUDLY all the way through the conversation! (and when I say talking I mean going Babababakkum)

  5. All soooo true.

    Everytime it read your top ten I have that old TOTP da na na na dana da na da na music going through my head, you know the one? ;)

  6. Sooo true....mine loves putting his muddy wellies on then walking all around the house as you follow picking up the mud but can't say anything, or....jumping all over me which hurts & I try not to scream.

  7. My daughter will come and stand next to me and repeat everything I say, followed by shouting bits of information aimed at the person I'm talking to. Also very distracting.

  8. VBH - escaping from the apartment. Yikes. Get off that phone!
    Nicola - oh the hissed threats, forgot those!!
    Kassia - ah yes - the combined effect. Truly terrible!
    Josie - like that tactic. Must try it out.
    Insomniac Mummy - yeah, I'd love to add the theme tune. Led Zeppelin if I'm not mistaken?
    Chic Mama - glad I'm not the only one to suffer the muddy welly trick.
    Mwa - oh now that's VERY annoying!!!


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