Rediscovering the 'Me' in 'Mumeeeeeee'

'I have always thought that there is no more fruitful source of family discontent than a housewife’s badly-cooked dinners and untidy ways'. (Mrs Beeton's Book of Household Management, 1861)

November 3, 2010

Dear so and so...

The 'Dear So and So... letters are a brilliant idea which were started by Kat who blogs at 3 Bedroom Bungalow. They've been absent for a while, but have been brought back - in style. If you have something to say to someone or something, join the club and grab the badge over at Kat's blog. This is the first time I've done a 'Dear so and so...' so please be gentle with me.

Dear Tesco,
For the love of god, please, please, PLEASE can you sort out the trolleys at your Newbridge store. Either I am cursed or there is not one fully functioning trolley, suitable for a toddler to sit in, within a 10 mile radius of your store. They are rammed together (by The Hulk I can only presume) making it impossible to separate one from the other, there are never enough in the allocated trolley bays anyway, when the €1 coin does eventually go in, it is impossible to remove it when I've finished. Generally, this consistent trolley debacle leaves me in a less than positive frame of mind to do the weekly shop and if you don't sort it out I will permanently defect to Aldi. Humph.

Yours in stress induced anger.

Dear An Post,
Please can you explain to me how it can possibly cost more to post an item to someone than the item itself cost in the first place (assuming that the item isn't a lead brick). I recently sent a small packet of paper notelets and a CD to my sister in the UK and it cost €7. In return, my sister sent me a massive box full of Playmobil which cost significantly less. I can only assume that these inflated postage costs are due to the fact that you send all parcels out of, and around Ireland, by rare albanian Alpackers or something.

Yours in disbelief.

Dear Son,
I love you very, very much but please could you try very hard not to appear at the top of the stairs every night within seconds of your light being turned out whispering loudly, "Muuummmeeeeeee. Muuuuummmmmmmeeeeeeeee". It is very reminiscent of a scene from the film 'The Others' which freaked me out.

Yours pleadingly.

Dear Little Old Ladies,
Whilst I admire your position in life and have utmost respect for the older generation, please could you sometimes notice that a very hassled mother is standing behind you in the queue who just needs to quickly pay for some milk and a loaf of bread before her children (who she has left in the car outside) start battering each other on the head with any available implement. I know you like to buy those lottery scratch card things, and always seem to have dozens of them to check and I know it's nice to chat about the weather and somebody's terminal illness but sometimes, ggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, it causes my blood to boil slightly.

Yours hormonally.

Dear House,
Just a short note to say that I haven't forgotten about you. I honestly will get around to cleaning you thoroughly one of these days. In the meantime, I hope you like the new air fresheners I have dotted around the place. Every little helps, as they say.

Yours apologetically.

Dear Fingernails,
You are shockingly neglected.

Yours shamefully.

Dear Kids TV Channel Advertisers,
I am exhausted just listening to the ads for kids toys. The voice-over people talk so fast and the images whizz around so quickly that I have absolutely no idea what they are advertising. It is just a massive blur of explosions, poo'ing toy dogs, roller-skating hamsters, and something oriental looking. Oh, and I think there is a chocolate making factory in there somewhere? What a top idea for a kids toy........

Brainwashed from La La Land



  1. I seem to get stuck behind that old woman in the line every. single. time. I go to Sainsburys. It is like a conspiracy or something.

  2. Kiddos standing at the top of the stairs. YES. GAH. And no, it's not easier to deal with then they add "AAAHHHHHHHH POOOOOOOOOOOOO".

    High fives lady, high fives.

  3. Very well done with the 'Dear So and So's'. I totally get the Tesco. post and the house.

  4. Ha ha, love it!
    There's nothing like the combination of a grumpy child and a dodgy shopping trolley to make your blood boil

  5. Very good, esp. trolley and little old ladies. And the top of the stairs thing. Ps - I have a beautiful knee length v-neck emerald green Ghost dress that is YEARS old, ruched around the middle so hiding biggest trouble spot and with sleeves (can't do sleeveless!) that you are most welcome to borrow x


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