Rediscovering the 'Me' in 'Mumeeeeeee'

'I have always thought that there is no more fruitful source of family discontent than a housewife’s badly-cooked dinners and untidy ways'. (Mrs Beeton's Book of Household Management, 1861)

April 29, 2010

A case of mistaken identity


Being a Stay At Home Mum has it’s pros and cons. The pros are many. I can spend time with my children before they get to the age where I am an embarrassment to them. I can walk them to and from pre-school (which also ticks the box for exercise for the day), I don’t have to screech out of the driveway desperately trying to catch the one train that will get me into work on time, I know my neighbours, I can do my weekly shop during the quieter times in the supermarkets, I can take advantage of free activities at the local library - the list goes on and on and when you look at it this way, it’s pretty hard to knock it.

And yet, for every yin there is, of course, a yang. I also don’t get a monthly salary. I get frustrated. I run out of energy and ideas for keeping everybody entertained and fed. I shout a lot. My fragile hormones are exposed daily in public as I wrestle another child out of another toy shop. And there is one other down side to my new role in life which I wasn’t even aware of until last week.

Attending the information evening at the primary school my son will join in September, I was passed a pile forms to complete. This was fine until I came to a section titled ‘Occupation’. I hesitated. This was the first time I'd been asked to state my occupation since losing my job last year and I didn’t know what to write.
‘Unemployed’ seems so bleak and maybe I’m still in denial about that bit. Anyway, technically, I’m not unemployed because I do have a job; I’m a Stay At Home Mum. I’m not ashamed of it. Not in the slightest, but ‘Stay At Home Mum’ seems like a made-up job title. So, I reverted to tradition and entered, ‘Housewife’. And there it was in black and white, staring me in the face; I have become my mother.

I kept thinking about it for the rest of the evening, and it bothered me. The term ‘Housewife’ conjures up - in my mind at least - images of apron-wearing, Fairy Liquid ladies of the 1950’s. I didn’t want my new school principal visualising that every time she needed to contact me.

The next day, I was talking to a friend about this. “Why didn’t you put down your other occupation?” she asked. “You’re a writer aren’t you?” D’oh. Of course. Why didn’t I think of that. I am a writer and although part of me doesn’t quite believe it enough yet to fill it in on a form, that is what I am. I’m a writer who stays at home to look after her children.

Phew, I now know what I am. So, the next time I’m faced with a box to fill in, I know exactly what to write. ‘Writer, Mother and soon to be internationally published best-selling author’. Hey, we can all dream, can’t we?

Share/Save/Bookmark

28 comments:

  1. I hate those boxes! I would have to put down unemployed though but it would bug me!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Housewife does sound so old fashioned doesn't it?

    I bet you're kicking yourself that you never put write - that sounds so glamorous lol

    ReplyDelete
  3. I know exactly what you mean. I have this problem too. Last time I was filling out my passport application form and when I was signing a mortgage form, I really hesitated over what to put. I trained as a journalist and am now freelance but I'm more of a SAHM. It was actually my other half who said 'don't put housewife, put writer.' Then we had an argument over whether he was putting me down or complimenting me. It stems from my own insecurities. I think they're going to check!
    Great post.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This so annoys me too because I am definitely not a housewife. In fact I'd say I was actually rather poor at the housewifey stuff but pretty good at being a mother. I'd say they were totally different roles. Anyone who asks me what I do gets a whole speech from me about being a stay-at-home mum is a full time job, etc, etc!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. The other one is 'homemaker' isn't it? I think I'm a 'housewife' on my daughte's birth certificate. It does sounds a bit depressing. Although there's no reason why you couldn't put 'stay at home mum' as an occupation. If you think writer sounds a bit too ideal, maybe 'freelance writer'? Sounds a bit more down to earth.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I work, but even I struggle when I have to fill in my occupation on things like applications for car insurance. I always feel like I want to put down "general dogsbody". Think that probably sums up most mothers, whether they work or not!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I always write "Project Manager". It is kind of a one size fits all job title. That is ambiguous. I like that.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I wrote about this too recently. For the first time I actually meaningful said 'I am a writer' - http://www.vegemitevix.com/2010/03/24/the-rest-is-still-unwritten/

    Hope you don't mind me sharing the url with you!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I hate those boxes and I have a notional day job - I just dither over how to describe myself so people don't automatically hate me ...

    A single word is rarely enough to encompass what women do

    ReplyDelete
  10. I love what you're going to write.
    I hate those boxes anyway. For a while, I would write "none" or "housewife," but that ended up making me feel bad. Now I write "teacher" (because that's what I want to be when I grow up) but it's no good either, because it shows I'm not accepting my current situation.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Really interested in this post as I'm so keen to become a SAHM when my girls start school, so not for another few years. But it's a shame we don't feel that SAHM is enough of a job title to put on a form. Still 'writer' is great. Wow to be able to say that, seems like an unobtainable dream for me at the moment. Looking forward to the best-seller!

    ReplyDelete
  12. There are a myriad of things that you can write in the "occupation" box, all of which would be true: cleaner, chef, childminder, organiser, troubleshooter, administrator.... The Boss!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I never know what to put on those, once I put 'mother' but it didn't sound right because I'm so much more. I also hate it at parties when people ask me 'So, what do you do?'. I can sense them looking over my shoulder for someone more exciting to talk to, someone with a 'proper' job, while I ramble on about how I look after kids but write and try to study and will go back to work one day honest, I always seem to be making excuses for myself. And no, I do not sit around all day watching daytime tv, I would rather gouge out my eyes with a rusty spoon than watch loose women. ok, rant over. and breathe.....

    ReplyDelete
  14. I've gone back to 'housewife' after a stint in my old job covering maternity leave.

    I suppose that as a fully qualified ex-journalist I will always be a journalist, just as a vet is always a vet, whether or not she's drawing a salary for doing it as an occupation at the moment.

    The box is never big enough to fully explain is it?

    I'd need a huge amount of space for 'former journalist, now stay-at-home mother, gardener and writer not-yet-published, actually I had a short story published ten years ago... etc'

    And never EVER say 'only' a housewife!

    ReplyDelete
  15. LMAO - I am the Jedward of Blogging!
    And yup, you can be exactly who you want to be - today I was writing with one hand and washing cricket kit with the other - the two careers mesh quite nicely!
    *waves at Mags above* too.. jxx

    ReplyDelete
  16. Gosh I know how you feel. That's why I put PR Specialist! Tee hee hee! Would also like to write international best selling novelist too, but I need to actually finish my book first. When's yours going to be released then?

    ReplyDelete
  17. Fulltime Mum? Hmmmm - is there any other kind? Not really. I put writer. Whether I've written anything for months or not. That's what I am. Also, I think, who I am. Sometimes, though, I'm tempted to just put 'YES'.
    Occupation: Yes. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I just tagged you over here http://www.diminishinglucy.com/2010/04/spontaneous-delight-happy-days.html

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh, to be a SAHM! I returned to work this week after 10 months of blissful maternity leave :( Boo, booooooooo as The Pop would say.
    I'm utterly depressed about this, missing the two little people, afraid I may suffocate under the large mountain of ironing that has developed ALREADY and totally angry I'm basically working for nothing- no nice mummy treats, just boring old grown up things like mortgage and childcare.
    Although on the plus side I can take afternoons off work to slob about and trawl through the internet and I have no kids pulling my hair or being sick on me!
    But, at the minute give me baby sick anytime!
    I've just blogged your springtime meme- really enjoyed it, thanks, Emx

    ReplyDelete
  20. I put Accountant on my children's birth certificates as I was on back-to-back maternity leaves, but still employed! Now I can't say 'housewife' out loud with out laughing.
    I'm glad you now think of yourself as a writer, good for you :-)

    ReplyDelete
  21. 'A writer who stays at home to look after her kids'; love it!

    Mine would read 'Part-time Project Manager/Mum who wants to be a writer who stays at home to look after kids' ! :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. You speak from my heart. I had the same situation two weeks ago and was pondering on that topic ever since. I actually blogged about it today and linked back to this fabulous post.
    I am a Stay At Home Mum. Full stop.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I think you should totally write this as your occupation, especially the bit about 'soon to be internationally best-selling author'! :)
    I am currently on maternity leave and I am not looking forward to the day that the $$$ runs out and I'll have to return to work. So I am madly hatching business plans so that I can be a WAHM and not miss my babies!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Sometimes I put homemaker that's quite a grand term and conjures up images of Martha Stewart shenanigans in the kitchen. But sometimes I put writer because even though I don't earn a full salary from it I earn something and besides its what keeps me from going mental.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Project Manager is a good one - can't remember who suggested that (above)

    Family Co-ordinator? Trouble shooter?

    Superheroin - that should do it! Although perhaps it's advisable to keep the word heroin from any school forms...

    ReplyDelete
  26. It's early for - apologies for the spelling error.......

    ReplyDelete
  27. I typically write Soap Opera Monitor or Ice Cream Taster or Baton Twirler. Or something like that. Cuz you know. As a stay at home mom, that's really all I do anyway, right?

    ReplyDelete
  28. Just in case you were wondering. I'm kidding. And I'll be the first one lined up to buy a signed copy of your international bestseller.

    ReplyDelete

Blog Widget by LinkWithin