Rediscovering the 'Me' in 'Mumeeeeeee'

'I have always thought that there is no more fruitful source of family discontent than a housewife’s badly-cooked dinners and untidy ways'. (Mrs Beeton's Book of Household Management, 1861)

March 24, 2010

The Delicious Mrs Hot Cross Mum

Well, helloooooo (said in a breathy, girly way). Thanks so much for dropping by. Apologies, I meant to place jugs of pretty flowers all around, but didn't get chance. Nevermind, these wilting daffodils still look quite jolly don't they?

I like to think of the time I spend in my kitchen as a reflection of a particular mood. So today, the mood is ‘Chaos’ (giggles). You know, one of those days where you don’t have five minutes for yourself, everyone’s annoying each other and everything you touch breaks. It’s such fun! (bats eyelashes over large bushbaby-esque eyes). After a joyful hour shopping for loo roll, spaghetti hoops and jaffa cakes, I like nothing more that to retreat to the kitchen, and stay there for the rest of the day.

My perfect recipe for a day of Chaos is as follows. So, pour yourself a dirty coffee (that’s just regular coffee in an unwashed mug), and get stuck in!

1. Ensure all work surfaces are completely cluttered and that all cooking utensils required are left unwashed in the sink from the previous meal (this is very important).
2. Take one hassled parent and place near a hot oven or hob.
3. Add one or more children and leave them to whip themselves up into a frenzy. This recipe works best with children under the age of five.
4. Leave everyone to simmer for a few moments.
5. Sprinkle an assortment of small cars, balls, books and bricks around your feet.
6. Ensure your nerves are very finely shredded before turning up the heat.
7. Stir in a few disagreements and season with intermittent cries of “Mummeeee. He’s hitting me.”
8. Apply a glaze to your expression.
9. Grind your teeth and allow your blood to slowly come to the boil.
10. You may wish to mix yourself a fancy cocktail at this point, although this is totally unnecessary. A cheap bottle of wine will do equally well.
11. Throw the food quickly onto plates, paying no attention whatsoever to the presentation.
12. Sit down for ten minutes before getting up again to scrape the uneaten meals into the bin.

Just wonderful. So, that’s my perfect day of Chaos. Join me next week for more delicious treats from the Hot Cross Mum kitchen.

image courtesy of Miss Anne Traintor



  1. I love you. I just read that post after coming in from my kitchen, sink full, after nearly killing myself tripping over a toy car, and now I am looking at the wilting daffodils on the fireplace over the top of my laptop.

    I will NEVER get the whole domestic goddess thing. I just don't have it in me! Not even really, really well hidden!!

  2. I had a kitchen moment like that the other day. H pushed past R, R tripped, fell into the trampoline (in the kitchen? Not jugs of flowers?) and the whole lot came crashing down into a screaming heap. The theme was most definitely chaos. Fabulous blog. Thank you for making me laugh.

    (I found you via British Mummy bloggers, btw.)

  3. I drink dirty coffee all the time so lol. You just described my kitchen most days, I will never win 'Housewife of the Year'!! Relieved it's not just me though :D Jen.

  4. Have you been hiding a secret camera in my house? No, you'd have added tripping over the dog whilst carrying a pan of boiling water if you had. Dog does love to lie down right behind the person doing the cooking. Dog also has no ability to learn from experience.

  5. Sounds like my home!! The furniture is also encrusted with dried food where the baby and the toddler 'eat'. Just threw out my brown daffodil as well!

  6. LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOOOOVE IT!! I love the dirty coffee, the kitchen chaos and all. Very well illustrated and with batting eyelashes it is even better :)

  7. I think that's every harrassed mum's most used recipe...very funny post x

  8. Can you substitute the shredded nerves for jangled ones, they're all I've got in?

  9. Fantastic! I'm actually on a writing retreat on the west of Cork and I was feeling very homesick..... until I read that! Thank you! Hilarious as ever.

  10. Definitely my house too. Add in a pinch of screamng tantrum and head-butting the floor during supper (that's my 3 yr old, not me) and we'd be there.

  11. I especially like "Apply a glaze to your expression" - I'm fabulous with glazes!!

    Wonderful post, Kristi

  12. God this is familiar! As everyone else says this is basically my life. I particularly empathise with point 6. Sometimes the only way to get through it is to blog about it!

  13. 'Dirty coffee' Brilliant! I hadn't realised that it had a name, I've been using that brand myself of late.

  14. Don't forget to drape two small, wailing bodies around your ankles!

  15. Your cooking routine seems remarkably similar to mine - also our kitchen is so small only 3 people can eat at one time so one person has to stand up!! I do find though that a glass of wine helps the nerves quite a bit. Or doing a crazed southern accent: (that is MEEE!)

  16. It's funny coz it's true xxx

  17. Brilliant! You've described my kitchen to a tee hahahaha... xx


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