Rediscovering the 'Me' in 'Mumeeeeeee'

'I have always thought that there is no more fruitful source of family discontent than a housewife’s badly-cooked dinners and untidy ways'. (Mrs Beeton's Book of Household Management, 1861)

January 26, 2010

The Trouble With Men

Has anyone else seen the column in the Sunday Times ‘The Trouble With Women’? The complaint being offered a few weeks ago was “They’re always giving us chores”. It made for amusing reading, and left me with a strong urge to offer some sort of a retort. So, here goes:

The Trouble With Men

They cause mess, clutter and leave a trail of destruction around the house. Socks, shoes, bank statements, wash bags, loose change, mobile phone chargers, receipts, golf score cards, golf tees, golf shoe studs and other such ‘man’ stuff clutter every imaginable surface of your home, rendering a good polish practically impossible.

Men are also incapable of putting things back into the fridge after making themselves a sandwich. They don't know where the plates are kept as they never use one and don't know where the dishwasher is as they are only able to put dinner plates within close proximity of the dishwasher, but fail to ever put them into the dishwasher itself, so baffled they are as to its possible whereabouts.

Perhaps the most troublesome thing about men is that despite living in the same house as you, they do not know where any of the children’s clothes are kept. Simple instructions to fetch a clean vest and socks can cause untold confusion and frustration.

Men also don't understand that there are some towels which are used for every day and there are separate, 'posh' ones which are used only when guests are visiting. Similarly, they do not realise that there are some mugs which should not be used when making guests a cup of tea or coffee.

When challenged on their level of contribution to the general up-keep of the house, men will claim that they do more than their fair share. The reason you are not aware of them doing any jobs is because, unlike yourself, they don't feel there is any benefit to be gained by drawing your attention to the matter. The sort of jobs men undertake in this mysterious manner include such essential tasks as sharpening the meat knives, re-aligning the gas burners on the hob or straightening up the umbrella plant.

Even men who are handy in the kitchen are troublesome. Their intentions may be honourable, but for goodness sake, how long and how many pans does it take to make a bowl of pesto pasta? With all the noises coming from the kitchen when men are cooking, you would think they were installing the cooker, never mind boiling a pan of pasta on it.

So, that's my counter-attack done.
Thank you for reading!
I would like to point out that most of what is observed here is based on careful, scientific research and is in no way a direct reflection of my own husband’s domestic habits or of any men within my acquaintance or who read this blog.

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25 comments:

  1. Brilliant! and extremely well researched it seems.

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  2. Ha ha ha. So so true, have you installed some kind of spy cam in my house for your research? However Mr Foodie who just read this post too, says that only a woman would think of having separate cups and towels and as far as the children's clothes go, the spare bed is as good a place as any. However he does agree with certain aspects of your 'research'. X

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  3. You've clearly met my husband. I'm back at work part time now and you should see the disaster I come home to when he's had Little Legs for the daY. Unbelievable!

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  4. Too funny, so true. It must be genetic. Hate to be a downer, but it never gets better. Never!

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  5. Do you live with my husband ???

    He reckons he does more about the place than I do but its under appreciated stuff so I don't notice it... hmmmm

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  6. Oh god! And the blind spot they have when it comes to the pile of clothes that needs to go upstairs and get put away!

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  7. Hilarious. I was out with a friend for dinner recently and her husband called her up on the phone 3 TIMES to ask where the kids pajamas were. Seriously! 3 TIMES.

    http://organicmotherhoodwithcoolwhip.com/

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  8. I am glad to say that MadDad may be the exception to prove the rule!!

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  9. I love it! so true and the latest job that dh undertook was to throughly clean the brass tap (yes it is as awful as it sounds) in the kitchen, he removed all the plumbers putty that was around a seal and now it leaks! Brilliant! Cheers love. Mich x

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  10. I am laughing not only out loud but ALOT. What is with all the faffing about in the kitchen? Why get they just get the food on the table!

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  11. I feel I ought to put the opposite case. I for one ALWAYS clean up when I'm cooking, do ALL the cleaning, shopping, ironing, nappy-changing, dog-walking, vacuuming, shopping, telephone-call answering and beer drinking. The only thing I DON'T do is contribute much (yet) to the household income-getting. But I know where all the bargains are, so I'm i/c of spending!

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  12. I could have written this! I just had a moan at my husband there for leaving a trail of our dinner leading from the cooker to the sink (where the 10 pots and pans that he used are dumped waiting to be magically cleaned) and then he tried telling me that he always cleans up after himself!! Sorry rant over....

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  13. I misread the title as 'The trouble with hot men'!
    I have a friend who chucks her husbands pants out the front window if he leaves them on the floor. I might start trying this too.

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  14. and they never, ever write something on the shopping list when they finish it!

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  15. And they can never find anything - vis a vis 'can you just get the grapefruit juice from the fridge for me please',
    'it's not there'
    'it is - on the shelf'
    'Can't see it'
    'well it is there'
    'nope'
    BLOODY HELL!!!

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  16. LE SIGH. And they have a blind spot when it comes to dirt. They just don't see it.

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  17. funny!
    then again.... i am v happy NOT to be the one to change my bike tyre/put stuff away in the loft/clean the leaves out of the garden/change the lightbulbs......

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  18. Never a truer set of words said....

    Lx

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  19. What are towels for if not to be used?
    What's the point in putting stuff away, i.e. change, that's needed tomorrow?
    Face it, men just live more efficiently.

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  20. Love it! Looking forward to reading more of your posts soon!

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  21. Fab. They dont appear to be able to wipe surfaces down after said sandwich either!

    Whenever I ask Mr C to pass me someithng I usually get "I cant see it" to which "you may have to move something to see it" usually follows!

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  22. How true. I should like to add "unable to put a chocolate yoghurt stained vest in the laundry bag, instead leaving it on top of the freshly washed ones so we end up with three newly chocolatey ones". GRRR.

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  23. Love it. Completely love it!!

    I was really ill the other day so hubby had to leave work early to collect daughter from school. This meant he had to 'rush around getting extra jobs done in order to get to her on time.' He arrived late. Then when he got home, he came up to the bedroom to see me (too ill to move, genuinely) and exclaimed he as worn out and needed to 'close his eyes' for a few minutes. He slept two hours while I could hear daughter downstairs doing her homework and getting her own dinner!!!

    I wonder what he would do if I tried that one...

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  24. I have to say that this is what my husband would write about me! I always use about a million pans, since he is the washer upper. As long as the food is good he doesn't complain, but gets through gallons of moisturizer for his 'dishpan hands!"

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  25. You might be interested in my upcoming post 'Husbands and wives - the rules of engagement' which is a handy guide for negotiating the rocky and often hormonal road of matrimony.

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