Rediscovering the 'Me' in 'Mumeeeeeee'

'I have always thought that there is no more fruitful source of family discontent than a housewife’s badly-cooked dinners and untidy ways'. (Mrs Beeton's Book of Household Management, 1861)

January 21, 2010

The Language of Life


It occurred to me the other day that I have a completely different vocabulary now that I am a Stay At Home Mum. Back in my professional hey-day (i.e last year!), I used to come out with all sorts of management-speak - you know, the stuff that David Brent would be proud of. I thought about this a little more and thought I would try and remember some of the more cringe-worthy phrases I used to say and how they compare to what comes out of my mouth now. You may recognise some of these!

I used to say, "Short, medium and long term plans"
I now say, "Plan? What plan?"

I used to say, "Feedback sandwich"
I now say, "Cheese sandwich without crusts cut into four triangles"

I used to say, "Brain-storm"
I now say, "Oooo, listen, there's a storm"

I used to say, "Bottom line"
I now say, "Washing line"

I used to say, "FYI"
I now say, "FFS"

I used to say, "Where's the value-add"
I now say, "Where's the value supermarket?"

I used to say, "Self-assessment"
I now say, "Self-help"

I used to say, "Performance review"
I now say, "Have you done a poo?"

I used to say, "Pie chart"
I now say, "Reward chart"

I used to say, "Let's get our ducks in a row"
I now say, "Five little ducks went swimming one day"

I used to say, "Singing from the same hymn sheet"
I now say, "Please stop singing. You're hurting mummy's ears"

I used to say, "Business critical"
I now say, "Breakfast cereal"

I used to say, "Let's just park that"
I now say, "Let's just go to the park"

I used to say, "Thinking outside the box"
I now say, "I can't hear myself think"

I used to have a Situation Room - now, I need a Panic Room.

Funny old world, isn't it?!

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21 comments:

  1. Brilliant! I have just gone back to work and have said nipples and poo at really inappropriate moments, my meaning was utterly child related but completely lost on my colleagues

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  2. I really don't miss that kind of talk at all! Why did we feel the need to speak like that when there are perfectly grammatically equally good easier ways of saying the same thing. ? X

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  3. Hahaha!

    Used to say: Let's all pack behind the same arrow.
    Now say: Just get in the f*!king car we're late for school!

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  4. This is so funny! Love all your new alternative sayings...and recognise many of them as my own.

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  5. Ha ha! We used to play Buzzword Bingo in meetings. What is a 'feedback sandwich'? A cheese sandwich sounds much nicer!

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  6. Ha! I've forgotten that other language having been at home for almost 2 years - it sounds so false doesn't it? Especially 'brain storm' and 'bottom line' - much prefer your alternatives!

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  7. That is all so familiar, which is why it is such a bloody good post

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  8. hi love your post, god we sad us mums, am irish mum trying to be a writer, check out my blog if you get a moment in your day,brigid

    http://sortofwitty.blogspot.com/

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  9. Brill - Compared to management talk, baby talk looks very rational.

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  10. Brilliant post. Hate all that management speak and used to play bingo in meetings to. It was mainly just people trying to say more than their colleagues so talking nonsense.
    Much prefer the Mummy phrases.

    very funny post

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  11. Hilarious. Don't we talk a load of management balls at work!
    At the end of the day I think we should see if it floats. I was referring to taking a paper boat out later. Honest!

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  12. lol i can so relate to this xx

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  13. Just brilliant, and so true. I now say FFS instead of FYI!! Rather often I must admit but always under my breath.

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  14. Feedback Sandwich? lol I am cringing for you! :)

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  15. Value add is the one that kills me..And I got told off for using the word brainstorm the other day because apparently it is offensive to epileptics..so now I just talk to my team like they're my kids and all is well...

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  16. I'v been out of it for five years! and totally missed "feedback sandwich". I still talk about managing expectations though ;-)

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  17. Funny! I love feedback sandwich - people really say that?

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  18. Great post. I liked the performance review. Funny.

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  19. This is a great post - am loving it, so true of where my life is at the moment (especially performance review !)

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  20. Ha ha! Brilliant post! Made me laugh out loud! Am defintely following your blog now!

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