Rediscovering the 'Me' in 'Mumeeeeeee'

'I have always thought that there is no more fruitful source of family discontent than a housewife’s badly-cooked dinners and untidy ways'. (Mrs Beeton's Book of Household Management, 1861)

October 20, 2010

The perfect woman

I have been tagged. By the 'be-wetsuited' London City Mum, no less. She is bullying me into confessing to some extremely personal details which, well, I suppose I'd better give you or she'll be after me with her snorkel or something.

So, she has asked me to give my recipe for Mr or Mrs Right - the top ten things I look for in a man or woman. As she pointed out in her own post about this, being married and all that (with an anniversary looming next week if you don't mind!), it's a bit too late to be pitching for the 'perfect man'. London City Mum got around this by opting to share her recipe for 'the perfect woman' and I'm going along with her, like a complete sheep.

So, ladies and gents, I give you 'The Hot Cross Guide To The Perfect Woman'

1. Must be able to handle their drink, and none of this 'I'll have a white wine spritzer nonsense' either - we're talking proper pints down the pub and plenty o'wine if at home.
2. Must also be able to scoff their way through an entire tub of Pringles in one sitting. None of this putting the lid back on to finish another night. What other night? Eat them all now!
3. Must not be incompetent at DIY stuff or incapable of cutting the grass.
4. Must have an interesting assortment of shoes and bags, but not enough to warrant a separate wardrobe for them. Talking of which....
5. Must have a totally disorganised wardrobe which the concept of 'capsule' has never got close to. Women with organised wardrobes frighten me and make me feel inadequate - just sayin'.
6. Must happily admit to watching 'The X Factor' and 'I'm a Celebrity'..., as a guilty pleasure if nothing else.
7. Must not watch soaps or anything with the word CSI in the title. Sorry - but the soaps are always on at kids bedtime and I've never watched a CSI anything, so we would probably have absolutely nothing to talk about. And that could prove to be quite awkward.
8. Must never decline pudding. Ever. Even if already feeling completely stuffed.
9. Must be calm in a crisis and not scream when confronted with mice, spiders or prawns with their heads still on.
10. Must have at least one entirely shitty day with their children per week which they bravely struggle through, shout at their husband about, have a small cry about, tweet about to anyone who is listening and then rectify the situation with a large glass of wine and some crisps (see points 1 and 2 above), and carry on the next day as if nothing happened.

I now pass the honour of this blogging task onto the following lovely people. Enjoy.

Zooarchaeologist at Being a Mummy



  1. Love it. I may have to steal this idea myself.....and of course I a am indeed your idea woman...apart from the bit about mice....

  2. Now how did I know I was your ideal woman?

    'Cept can we replace the Pringles with Kettle chips please? PLEASE? I'll cut the grass in my wetsuit, promise.

    LCM x

  3. Wow, my first Tag, thank you so much HCM, I'm honoured, will spend next week sweating about doing it justice. So right about the crisps and do pints of shandy count? Had 5 on Sat night, still in bits.

  4. I like these. For number 2 substitute 'giant tub of maltesers' and on no 10 - that's my day every day!


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