Rediscovering the 'Me' in 'Mumeeeeeee'

'I have always thought that there is no more fruitful source of family discontent than a housewife’s badly-cooked dinners and untidy ways'. (Mrs Beeton's Book of Household Management, 1861)

October 18, 2010

Dads are from Mars......

.....Mums are from an entirely different galaxy altogether. According to recent scientific research*, Dads approach parenting in an entirely different, and often bizarre, way to Mums. Evidence collected has highlighted a number of areas where the parenting techniques of Dads seem to be particularly odd.

Dressing children - Dads appear to, unfailingly, make very odd choices when dressing their children. Despite attempts at domesticity by Mums who store clothes in drawers and wardrobes in some form of semi-organisation, Dads have an uncanny ability to find only dirty clothes which have been left on the bedroom floor (and should have been put into the laundry basket days ago) and proudly put these onto the child - completely failing to notice the grass and yoghurt stains splattered all over them. Similarly, trousers with massive, gaping holes in the knees (which should have been sewn up, or disposed of months ago) miraculously re-appear from the back of the drawer - while the perfectly un-holed trousers remain, untroubled, in the wardrobe. When Mums expresses outrage at these crap outfits the Dads find, the Dads just cannot fathom what all the fuss is about.

Washing faces - Dads approach washing a child's face in the same way as they would approach washing a greasy bicycle wheel - a quick splash with icy cold water and a rub with bare hands will do the trick. This really irritates Mums, especially when they have bought special 'Toy Story' face cloths to please their child and made sure there would be plenty of hot water in the morning, specifically for face washing purposes. Also, the 'cold-water-hand-rub' method fails to get rid of sleepy dust, which Mums then have to remove with a bit of spit and a poke with a fingernail outside the school gate.

Going outside - Dads are immune to the cold and consequently think their young, frail children should be also. They set out to do digging jobs with the children in the garden on a chilly autumn day in shorts and a t-shirt and cannot understand the Mum's incessant fuss, fuss, fussing about the application of long sleeves, jackets, hats and gloves. Dads appear bemused and surprised when the children ask to go back inside 5 minutes into the gardening job because they are cold. Mums have to resist the urge to say 'I told you so'.

So yes, conclusive proof, if proof were needed, that Dads are from Mars and Mums are from, erm, Genius?

Please note that any Dads who are a bit annoyed after reading this and wish to comment on the post to disagree with the points raised, may do so by applying in writing to the Man in the Moon. Thank you.

*source unknown

As a final post script, this post was nominated for the 2010 Brilliance in Blogging Awards and was voted runner up in the 'Funniest Post of 2010' category. Frankly, I am stunned and very thrilled about this so thank you to anyone who read this and voted for me!



  1. Very true. And on the first point - once the Mum has pointed out the Dad has dressed the children in filthy clothes the Mum then gets the blame for leaving the clothes there in the first place. And instead of a nice relaxing bedtime routine to get the children off to sleep early, Dads decide to get involved in some intense roll around on the floor game getting the children so excited they don't calm down and go to sleep until 10pm. I've just noticed you're 2 places above me in the Tots 100. Harrumph *sharpens elbows*

  2. You been filming the comings and goings in our house?

    Also, Dads like to ignore the good healthy food prepared for your children in the fridge and cook something extraordinary, often involving chocolate spread. They like to go on an insanely long walk and wonder why they have to carry their children for half of it and, like Emily O, wonder why their kids are so hyped up at 8pm when they've been playing rough and tumble just before bedtime.

    BUT, the kids love it and, well, a little chocolate spread never hurt anyone!

  3. The only one I think your incredibly scientific survey missed out is; think it's OK to play with the boys / watch the tv / generally loaf about until 2 minutes before needing to leave somewhere and then appearing genuinely outraged and suprised that it actually takes at least 15 minutes to leave the house... Otherwise I think it's spot on...

  4. I think I have the man who is the exception to prove the rule! He is better at this parenting lark than I am. He puts them in co-orninating clothes and even manages to get them to brush their own hair - I know he isnt normal!

  5. Sounds like a very normal day at my house! X

  6. Brilliant list! I agree the pre-bedtime rough'n'tumble should be on the list. And I'm glad I'm not the only one who has to spit'n'scrape crap off my child's face at the school gate! -HMx

  7. Oh made me chuckle..

    When my hubbie dresses our daughter (7) for school he tends to let her dress herself... when I pick her up from school she often resembles Julia Roberts - a la Pretty Woman!

    Our son (4) goes to shcool with no pants on and our baby (18mths) always arrives to the childminder with a piddely nappy and is quite regularly shoeless...

  8. I know. And they can't remember the most basic things like 'when is tea time?' (er, at 4?!?!?!) or brushing her teeth or cleaning her ears.
    Gosh. I am so bloody tired.

  9. That cold one totally happened in our house yesterday, I think there was maybe a cardigan between them, lasted 5 mins and then I got them whinging.

    Another one that really really irritates me is that my boy NEVER packs the bag when we're going out and expects me to do it. It's not complicated. It's the same stuff every time; spare nappy, wipes, water, snack bar and maybe some raisins. Not. Hard. Yet utterly incapable of doing it. Grrrr


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