1. Whenever she says ‘Come on, we’re going this way’. This is when you should run, run, as fast as you can - the OTHER way.
2. When she dares to approach you with any of the following offending articles: shoes, socks, nappy, toothbrush, facecloth, suncream, sunhat, coat, babywipe. Pah.
3. When she says it is time to get into the buggy after letting you run around the shopping centre for a while. A buggy, you crazy lady, when I am perfectly capable of walking?
4. When she opens the car door (actually, instead of predictably running away, you could also climb into the driver’s seat when her back is turned and have a sit in for a while. Equally effective).
5. When she says it is time for bed, time to get dressed or time to have a bath. Actually, wait until you're completely undressed before you start running anywhere because then you can run a lot faster, and wee on the floor as well.
6. When she tries to brush your hair. Who DOES she think she is?
7. When a nice man is trying to take a photograph of you which mummy paid good money for.
8. When she says, “That’s it. Enough messing around now. We’re going to be very late”. Not only should you run away, you should run faster and further away.
9. When she says it is time to leave the playground. What a preposterous thing to say. Everyone knows it is NEVER time to leave the playground.
10. Because you can - and it will annoy her!
2. When she dares to approach you with any of the following offending articles: shoes, socks, nappy, toothbrush, facecloth, suncream, sunhat, coat, babywipe. Pah.
3. When she says it is time to get into the buggy after letting you run around the shopping centre for a while. A buggy, you crazy lady, when I am perfectly capable of walking?
4. When she opens the car door (actually, instead of predictably running away, you could also climb into the driver’s seat when her back is turned and have a sit in for a while. Equally effective).
5. When she says it is time for bed, time to get dressed or time to have a bath. Actually, wait until you're completely undressed before you start running anywhere because then you can run a lot faster, and wee on the floor as well.
6. When she tries to brush your hair. Who DOES she think she is?
7. When a nice man is trying to take a photograph of you which mummy paid good money for.
8. When she says, “That’s it. Enough messing around now. We’re going to be very late”. Not only should you run away, you should run faster and further away.
9. When she says it is time to leave the playground. What a preposterous thing to say. Everyone knows it is NEVER time to leave the playground.
10. Because you can - and it will annoy her!
Read more 'Top Ten' tips: Reasons not to eat your tea
Ha that's so funny and very, very true, especially about the car thing - they ALWAYS climb into the drivers seat and try to beep the horn arrgh.
ReplyDeleteLove that, had the car experience today at the garage with H twice whilst dropping off the courtesy car and picking up mine - all the more amusing for H with an audience!
ReplyDeleteSo funny and so true too!
ReplyDeleteVery funny. I also loved your post about your Mum Olympics Gold Medal. Having just had a 4 week holiday as a single parent for the first time maybe I should award one to myself too?
ReplyDeleteMy boys are nearly 6 and 4 and are now much faster runners than me. This is not an entertaining development when either playing tag or chasing them from one end of the playground to another when it is time to go home / chasing them around the house trying to get them dressed before school when we are already 10 mins late. I need to get back to the gym. Sharpish.
Brilliant. Crazypixie has a very similar list!!
ReplyDeleteOMG! I an CRYING with laughter! I had to read the whole post to my hubby as it is a perfect description of my toddlers antics!
ReplyDeleteThanks for brightening up my day!
Delighted to have some company in this small matter of daily frustration. I have another one.
ReplyDeleteWhen you see a bouncy castle slide which is too high for you to get up, climb quickly to about half way then get stuck. Your mummy will then have to come and rescue you - much to the amusement of everyone watching.
Really made me laugh. I could add 'because you're in a very crowded theme park and it's fun watching mummy trying to find you in among the sea of total strangers and seeing the look of total panic on her face.'
ReplyDeleteThat's very funny! Well done! Happy new button too ;)
ReplyDeleteBrilliant! You have my two down to a tee. And as for the car, if I'm not quick enough, which between setting the alarm and locking the door I'm more than often not, Poppy gets into the driver seat and 'posts' things through the CD player. We've had to get it fixed three times in the last 6 weeks. I took the car back yesterday because we are off on a road-trip on Friday and this is unthinkable without music!, and the mechanic took pity on me and fixed the stereo for free! I think they have a built in hearing issue - the world "now" translates as "run"!
ReplyDelete