Rediscovering the 'Me' in 'Mumeeeeeee'

'I have always thought that there is no more fruitful source of family discontent than a housewife’s badly-cooked dinners and untidy ways'. (Mrs Beeton's Book of Household Management, 1861)

December 8, 2010

Five Go Insane Indoors

"Goodness me," exclaimed Mother. "Quickly children. Pack away your electronic gadgetry. You really must come to the window and look."

"What is it Mother?" the young scamps chorused, their eager eyes burning with anticipation and their cheeks flushed from the thermostat being left on too high.

"There really is the most terrific amount of snow outside," Mother answered. "It quite simply makes me want to bake a splendid batch of chocolate brownies, put on my new woollen mittens and make lots of snowmen!"

The children clapped their hands with glee and ran to gather their cold-weather gear, and then realised they didn't really have any, so made do with impractical items such as jeans and poorly fitting coats.

Father didn't look as excited as everyone else as he soon realised that the heavy snowfall would prevent him from driving to the office and he would therefore be forced to spend the day 'At Home' with his wife, two children and exuberant young cat.

Mother put on a brave face and her finest thermals and set about making the finest snowman in the Parish. The children were a little moany about snow being in their wellingtons and their cheap gloves offering insufficient protection against the arctic elements, but Mother hardily battled on and made a really super Snowman. She felt a minor amount of rage when she noticed a few minutes later that the children had kicked the head off him.

Day after day as the snow continued to fall, Mother noticed that her enthusiasm for baking and creating spiffing snow-people seemed to be decreasing. As the temperatures fell outside; voices were being raised inside. Father soon realised he could tolerate mid-week family life no further and hired the army to airlift him to the office where he reclined his comfortable chair and set to work on his 10ft Subway sandwich.

After seven days of this wintery-hell, Mother decided that she really wasn't awfully keen on snow after all. Even the lashings of Whiskey and Ginger Wine couldn't seem to lift her spirits. Finally, she shoo'd the cat and the children outside for a very long constitutional, while she lay in a darkened room to recover from, what appeared to have become, a permanent migraine.

"This snow is absolute bollocks," she uttered, before having a little weep.

The End.

Thank you to Next for the lovely '8th Day of Christmas' logo used at the top of this post.


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10 comments:

  1. Sounds just like us. I was so excited to see it all, but now I've seen enough of it to last me a few years! LOL Great post!

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  2. Hmmm. And now imagine dealing with it for the next 4 months... (not that I'm not sympathetic to your plight, I am, I promise I am!)

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  3. Are you sure you are not at my house? - swap whiskey for baileys & chocolate, & note, my husband has escaped off abroad......

    May the force be with you.....

    Lx

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  4. apparently the end is nigh.... warmer at the weekend!

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  5. In 2008, when we were in Bosnia and suffering from too much snow syndrome, noone in the UK could understand why I hated the snow so much. Now you are all on my side!

    I had a rule, the boys had to spend at least as long outside as it had taken me to get them ready to go outside. They didn't love me for it!

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  6. Great blog, hits the nail on the head! We can definately live without snow!

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  7. I hope Mother then partook of lashings of fine wine.

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  8. That was hilarious! Spiffing! x

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  9. Unfortunately, I can relate to everything you wrote. (Apart from the initial urge to start baking - I NEVER get that!)

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