Rediscovering the 'Me' in 'Mumeeeeeee'

'I have always thought that there is no more fruitful source of family discontent than a housewife’s badly-cooked dinners and untidy ways'. (Mrs Beeton's Book of Household Management, 1861)

November 4, 2009

I, Mumbot

GREETINGS TO YOU. I – AM – A – MUMBOT.

For those of you not familiar with the term, a Mumbot is defined in the Concise Oxford English Dictionary* as follows:-

Mumbot (def)

An individual (usually of the female genus) who has become routinely predictable and dull in her approach to parenting.

A mumbot provides standard issue meals for the family in a strict daily rotation. She moves around in a hypnotic manner, apparently devoid of life to those who observe her.

She shouts commands and orders at those around her and is on constant high-alert for a total system overload which can lead to component parts ceasing to function properly. System overload can be triggered by the smallest thing going slightly wrong in her day.

Mumbots often seem to have no sense of humour and tolerance levels are also particularly low in this type of droid.

Unlike the newer model ‘Dadbot’, Mumbots do not have much fun with their children – being programmed specifically to focus on providing the more basic needs of food, comfort and hygiene.

Mumbots are capable of feeling mild human emotions of envy towards Dadbots when they see them playing a game of rough and tumble with a child, or having an extended bedtime chat with them about different types of snakes or patiently role-playing pirates to encourage them to eat their dinner. Mumbots are not capable of doing these things as most models do not have the requisite specifications of patience or energy for these activities.

Mumbots move around particularly quickly for the entire day, rushing from one place to another (often carrying a child or a pile of washing or lots of toys), and yet they never appear to actually get anything done.

They sigh a lot.

Unlike the Dadbots whose systems are programmed to completely switch off between the hours of 11pm and 7am, Mumbot systems are programmed to switch to stand-by mode at around 11pm each evening. They never power-down completely.

Following any form of system overload, Mumbots can be given cups of tea in bed on a weekend and should be sent off shopping on their own regularly in order to restore their systems to full working order.

If you encounter a Mumbot, you should speak calmly and pleasantly to her and mention that her hair looks nice. She will detect that you are not telling the truth, but will appreciate the gesture anyway.

*not really, but perhaps it should be in there
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18 comments:

  1. Brilliant! Really made me laugh. Going to put a link to this on my blog later. Hope thats ok?
    http://sewscrumptious.blogspot.com/

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  2. Ha! I liked this a lot. I think I must be a mumbot - that would explain much!!

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  3. Very funny post and disturbingly accurate - especially love the bit about going on standby from 11 pm. Gave me a good giggle on this miserable November day.

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  4. Oh no I am a Mumbot, do I need to go in for servicing. I loved this post so much

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  5. Delightful and very very true

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  6. Very funny and painfully true.

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  7. Don't recognise that description of a DadBot. P'raps there's something wrong with me...

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  8. Enjoyed the post, brought me back, what am I saying, I still go on standby at 11pm listening, waiting, to make sure all are in and safe!

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  9. Great post Hazel! Some of my friends feel exactly like this - but then they have the fab moments which balance it out. I'll pass this on!

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  10. in my version i have a loud explosive arm which gesticultes wildly while shouting "exterminate, exterminte" when Dadbot leaves his shoes for me to trip over, forgets to put items on shoppig list when they run out on his watch, and takes hte kidsbots out without apropriate raincover in windswept November. can be a useful addition. i'm planning to upgade to a newer eversion which has a volume control - putting the kidbots on mute might just save the day.

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  11. I recognise something of myself in both the mumbot and the dadbot. You've guessed it, I'm a Madbot! Kids, welcome to the worst of both worlds...

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  12. Oh, some real truths here. I am also a MumBot. I try to break free sometimes, but can't find the energy that often. xxx

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  13. Hilarious. I am a stay at home DadBot so can empathise totally. I now even pre-sigh at the first sign of imminent catastrophe.

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  14. I love that - its so true

    I particularly like the instructions for avoiding system overload - must send a link to my Mr !

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  15. That's great - I've got to get my hubby to read the bit about tea in bed.

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  16. Ha! How true, especially considering that the other day I realised I'd spent an entire four hours going: "Don't do that please. Don't do that please. Don't do that please." in a monotonous voice, in a classic Supernanny Fail manner. UNASSEPTABALL!

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