GREETINGS TO YOU. I – AM – A – MUMBOT.
For those of you not familiar with the term, a Mumbot is defined in the Concise Oxford English Dictionary* as follows:-
An individual (usually of the female genus) who has become routinely predictable and dull in her approach to parenting.
A mumbot provides standard issue meals for the family in a strict daily rotation. She moves around in a hypnotic manner, apparently devoid of life to those who observe her.
She shouts commands and orders at those around her and is on constant high-alert for a total system overload which can lead to component parts ceasing to function properly. System overload can be triggered by the smallest thing going slightly wrong in her day.
Mumbots often seem to have no sense of humour and tolerance levels are also particularly low in this type of droid.
Unlike the newer model ‘Dadbot’, Mumbots do not have much fun with their children – being programmed specifically to focus on providing the more basic needs of food, comfort and hygiene.
Mumbots are capable of feeling mild human emotions of envy towards Dadbots when they see them playing a game of rough and tumble with a child, or having an extended bedtime chat with them about different types of snakes or patiently role-playing pirates to encourage them to eat their dinner. Mumbots are not capable of doing these things as most models do not have the requisite specifications of patience or energy for these activities.
Mumbots move around particularly quickly for the entire day, rushing from one place to another (often carrying a child or a pile of washing or lots of toys), and yet they never appear to actually get anything done.
They sigh a lot.
Unlike the Dadbots whose systems are programmed to completely switch off between the hours of 11pm and 7am, Mumbot systems are programmed to switch to stand-by mode at around 11pm each evening. They never power-down completely.
Following any form of system overload, Mumbots can be given cups of tea in bed on a weekend and should be sent off shopping on their own regularly in order to restore their systems to full working order.
If you encounter a Mumbot, you should speak calmly and pleasantly to her and mention that her hair looks nice. She will detect that you are not telling the truth, but will appreciate the gesture anyway.
*not really, but perhaps it should be in there